Castle Authoress
by Alicia Jewel
Summary: This is what happens when you have nothing to do but listen to music all day. I decide to force all of my favorite Kingdom Hearts characters from the first game and CoM into my little castle for some big fun.
1. Writer's Block

**Story Title: **Castle Authoress  
**Author: **Alicia Jewel  
**Summary: **This is what happens when you have nothing to do but listen to music all day. I decide to force all of my favorite Kingdom Hearts characters from the first game and CoM into my little castle for some big fun.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. I just pwn them in this story. I also don't own the Gameboy Advance or Action Replay. But I do own Alicia Jewel, who is based off me._

_Note: I was REALLY bored and had a dream about this a few nights ago. This is not my best work. Not even close. Please don't flame me for this pure weirdness._

_Also, according to a fanfiction dictionary that I found on the 'Net, an Avatar is when the author inserts themselves into the story. You could also call this a Mary Sue because of my authoress powers._

**Chapter 1 - Writer's Block**

The line segment seemed to be mocking me at the moment. It sat in the upper-right hand corner of the screen, just blinking. Nothing was around it except a few toolbars and pure whiteness. It just stood alone, blinking with a rhythm that reminded me of my mom's car blinker.

Yep, folks, I had writer's block.

Why could I not think of anything to write? Sure, I still had to update Shalla's Legacy and Ribbon of Heart, but I had _no_ clue what to do with either of them. So what did I decide to do? I decided to _try_ and write another story for the sake of getting over my writer's block, but I had block on top of my block! Yeesh!

I flopped my head down onto the keyboard. A few random letters appeared behind the blinker before the computer beeped at me. It usually did that when multiple keys on the keyboard were being held down for too long. Yes, my computer was smart enough to know when I was either falling asleep on my keyboard or flopping down from stress as I did now.

I began thinking about my Gameboy Advance that was lying on the couch in the living room adjacent from the room I was sitting in. It mocked me more than the line segment. (What _was_ that thing called, anyway? It's not a cursor... is it?) For the past two days, I had been stuck in the Coliseum in Riku's story. It would not be so hard if I could use my Action Replay to adjust his deck a bit. But, no, all I _could_ do to help myself was try the infinite HP trick which not only did not work (at least not from what I could see), but it glitched up the game and made it even _more_ impossible to win. As if that were even possible.

Just the thought of the fact that I was stuck in _Riku's_ story made me a _tad_ bit happier. From the second that I saw him and his _adorable_ face, I'd had the hugest crush on him and his total cuteness. Not just him, but a ton of others as well, namely Leon, Cloud, Axel, and (don't kill me), Marluxia. They were just all so _hot_. Yes, even Marluxia, even thought I had my reasons to believe that he was a girl at first. I mean, who in their right mind would have a pink scythe as a weapon and base his attacks around pretty pink flowers? Now, I can understand myself doing that...

Wait a minute.

Me...

Having a pink scythe and flower attacks...

That. Was. It.

I sat up, and my fingers rushed back to the keyboard. I began typing... typing... Yes, this was it. My awesome author powers were about to rise to a new level! I resisted an evil laugh as my fingers began glowing as the words on the keyboard began to swim around and form a picture. Everything around me began to change. A castle formed around me, and I sat on the top floor, still typing on my keyboard as the world continued to morph around me...

* * *

Sora, Kairi, and Riku lay on the beach of Destiny Island, watching the waves roll against the sand. The wind was blowing gently and the sun was shining bright, making it official that a perfect way was to come. 

"So..." Kairi began, sitting up and brushing a small bit of sand from her hair. "What do you guys want to do today?"

"Eh, I dunno," Sora replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Wanna... have a race?" He stood up and began running in another direction.

"Hey, Sora!" Riku called, jumping up and running after him. Kairi followed close behind. "Wait up!"

"No fair!" Kairi shouted. "You two got a head start!"

Sora looked back, laughing and apparently showing off his clean teeth. Kairi and Riku were shouting something to him, but he did not pay attention. Unfortunately, when he turned around to look ahead of him again, the first thing he saw was a tree... which he ran into 1/100th of a second later. Kairi stopped in her tracks when the spiky-haired boy fell down onto his back, but Riku only smirked and kept running.

"Hey, George of the Jungle," Riku taunted, looking down at his friend, "watch out for that tree. Oops, too late."

Sora groaned and rubbed his head. "That's not funny, Riku," he growled, standing up. He looked back at the tree and blinked. "I don't remember that tree being there before..."

* * *

Hehe... If you haven't already guessed, I'm already using my incredible author powers to alter this setting. The first thing I had planned to do was slow Sora down a bit so that Riku could win, but Sora running into a tree sounded _way_ funnier! Okay, sorry. That was me and my yapping. Back to the story...

* * *

"You're losing it," Riku laughed, shaking his head. 

"Sora!" Kairi shouted, finally running up to the scene. (Yeah, I slowed her down a bit for the sake of a funny moment or two.) "Are you okay, Sora?"

"I'm fine, Kairi," Sora replied, sighing. "That was weird..."

"You need to be more careful, Sora!" Kairi whined, hugging the spiky-haired one. "You could have been seriously hurt!"

Suddenly, something squawked above. The threesome looked up to see a pink bird with multicolored wings flying down toward them. She was carrying an envelope in her talons.

"Message for Sora the Moron, Kairi, and Riku," she squawked.

"Hey!" Sora growled as the envelope dropped to the sand. The bird hooted in delight and flew off. She seemed to disappear over the horizon in a matter of seconds.

"Well, that was weird," Riku commented, snatching the envelope from the ground. He tore it open and pulled out its contents.

_Dear Sora, Kairi, and Riku,_

_Consider this an invitation. Exactly two seconds after you finish reading this letter, you will be warped to Castle Authoress along with several others that you will meet later. You will learn more upon arriving at the castle._

_I hope to see you there. Hehe... I know I will!_

_Alicia Jewel_

The three blinked in confusion. Before anyone could speak, a white light surrounded them, and they fainted.

_To be continued..._

_Yep, the first chapter of my strange adventure. Wewt! Okay, a few notes..._

_Yes, I honestly think that Riku, Leon, Cloud, Axel, and Marluxia are all cute and/or hot. Sue me, okay? Also, I really am stuck in the Coliseum on CoM. Erk..._

_So, stay tuned for Chapter 2. Please review in anyway that you'd like with the exception of flaming. And, yes, I realize that Alicia is pretty much a Mary Sue. As said before, I had writer's block and was bored._


	2. Rules

_Wow! I thought that I would get no reviews or have my butt flamed off!_

_**Sahxyel: **Yes, I like Mar-Mar. He is SO hot! (squeals) The only place I can ever find anyone who likes him is on GameFAQs. And, yeah, I made Sora a total idiot._

_**sonicchica: **Yes, writer's block can do that... And, yes, Larxene's gonna be in it. She's just awesome!_

_And now, Chappie 2! (Finally got to upload it sincethis site'sbeen having too much freakin' traffic lately...)_

**Chapter 2 - Rules**

I stood tall on the podium, my hands on my hips. The unconscious forms of Sora, Kairi, Riku, Axel, Larxene, and Marluxia lay in front of me. (I planned to beam in more later if I got even more bored.) I chuckled. Things would get very fun once they woke up. Well, fun for _me_, anyway. Not so much for them.

I knew that it was finally time to put my plan into action. I made typing motions in the air, my fingers glowing blue, and everyone began to stir. Larxene was the first one to open her eyes. She groaned and sat up as everyone else regained consciousness.

"W... Where am I?" Larxene asked, looking around. Mutters of question began to swell up from the other five as if right on cue.

"Welcome, everybody," I greeted, holding out my arms. All eyes turned to me, and everyone's jaw dropped when they saw that I was an undersized teen with the world's smallest bust for someone her age. Yoiks... Shouldn't have talked about that.

"Whoa, wait a minute," Riku muttered, shaking his head. "We got kidnapped by some kid?"

"_I'm not a kid_!" I shrieked as pink lightning struck above out of nowhere. "And you're not kidnapped. I invited you all to this castle and just happened to teleport you here for quick access to this location."

"Why?" Sora asked.

I laughed. "Well, there's one question I didn't expect anyone would ask, especially not _you_. Well..." I clapped my hands together before continuing, "I was bored."

Everyone just stared at me. Marluxia coughed softly.

"So..." Axel began, hesitating slightly, "you teleported us here because you were bored?"

"Yes, okay?" I growled. I held up my hands, wiggling my fingers slightly, and sent another pink bolt at the door. The lock that sealed the door shut fell to the ground. "You see, I had writer's block and needed something to write about. So, I decided to take some of my favorite Kingdom Hearts characters here and have some fun with them." My eyes narrowed as a grin crept up my face. "And there's no escape since the door can't be unlocked."

"What?" Kairi gasped. "You... You can't do this!"

I let my smirk grow back into a frown and lifted my hand. A blue light surrounded Kairi, and she began to float in the air. She shouted in fear and began flailing her arms and legs.

"Kairi!" Sora shouted, standing up to save her. I only lifted her higher, laughing maniacally.

"You don't get it, do you?" I growled, releasing my grip from the girl. "I have power over each and every one of you. If anyone even goes near the exit door -- which is impossible to pass in the first place -- I'll blow up your brain and crush you heart... if you have one, that is.Understand?" Everyone nodded in unison. I snickered. "Excellent... Now, let's go over some rules."

I could tell that someone wanted to yell out, "You can't boss us around like this," but after what they had just witnessed, none of them dared to say a word. It was fun watching them suffer just during the first few minutes. I used my authoress powers to whip out a scroll and cleared my throat.

_Rule Number One: You must do what I command you to do whether you like it or not._

_Rule Number Two: Nobody is allowed outside without special permission from me._

_Rule Number Three: No rebelling in any way._

_Optional Rule Number Four: You don't have to do this, but I will like you a _LOT_ more if you call me Your Highness, Your Majesty, or something to that effect._

I threw the scroll behind me and smiled. "Any questions?"

Riku raised his shaking hand. "Do we have to do this?" In response, I picked up the scroll and wrote something on it.

_Rule Number Five: You have to do this._

"Crap," Riku muttered, turning away.

"Don't worry," I half-mocked, putting my hands behind my back. "It won't be as bad for some of you."

"Who are those 'some'?" Larxene asked. After a quick thought, I decided to make her _not_ regret those words. I whipped out my pen again and wrote something else on the scroll.

_Rule Number Six: The following people won't have it as bad: Riku, Axel, and Marluxia because they're hot and Larxene because she's just cool._

"Yes!" the four on the list cheered, punching the air in victory. The others groaned in protest, naturally unhappy with the decision.

"But it will still be kind of bad," I laughed.

Everything was silent. Perfect. A chance to plot their first official torture...

_To be continued..._

_Okay, this is about as weird as any fanfic can get. Yes, even I agree. But don't flame! Again, I wrote this only because I was bored and had writer's block!_

_By the way, I watched some vids of up to day four of Twilight Town for KH2. I just _LOVE_ Axel's voice. It makes him hotter. -drools-_


	3. Chores at Their Worst

_Yay, I updated this stupid fic!_

_**Sahxyel - **Yes, Axel's voice is... -drools- and Mar-Mar is SO freakin' hot (there's your adjective) at the beginning of KH2. And thanks for that lil' idea! I'll start a Marluxia fan club! ... Just gotta figure out where and how._

_**sonicchica - **THANK YOU for the idea! I had NO idea what to do with this chap until you reviewed! -hugs-_

_**Nikkiname: **Yay! New reviewer! And, yes, Sora is a moron... but he's not the only one._

_Quick note: Did anyone notice that, in KH2, they made a typo? During the day where they're searching for the Seven Wonders of Twilight Town, they typed "It was just a dog trapped in a bad" instead of "It was just a dog trapped in a bag."_

**Chapter 3 - Chores at Their Worst**

"_Chores_!" everyone shouted, standing up.

"Yep, chores," I confirmed. I held up yet another scroll. "I wanna keep this castle as clean as possible for when our next guests come."

"There's gonna be more?" Axel groaned, hanging his head.

"Yep. They'll be arriving in Chapter 5. Now, back to the chores." I cleared my throat and looked down at the list, knowing that everything was about to turn hellish for them. "Kairi, you dust the dining room."

"Why?" Kairi inquired.

I looked over at her and narrowed my eyes. "Because it's dusty. Now can we move on?" I rolled my eyes and turned to the list again. "Axel, you burn the trash."

"Can't you just use the trash cans?"

Again, my eyes narrowed. "Sure, the garbage man comes to this alternate universe every Tuesday. Again, shut up so I can go on." _(A/N: My garbage man really does come every Tuesday.)_ "Riku, mop the dining room floor after Kairi finishes dusting it. Marluxia, tend to the plants 'cause I know you love flowers." Marluxia smiled, much to my pleasure. "And, finally..." I teleported a small piece of paper in front of Sora's face.

"WHAT!" the spiky-haired boy gasped, falling backwards onto his butt and Kairi's feet.

"Sora!" Kairi screamed, pulling her shoes out from under Sora's tush. "Find another place to park your ass." She covered her mouth in surprise and looked up at me. My fingers were wiggling and glowing pink. "Hey!" she shouted, stomping her foot. "Stop controlling the dialog!"

"Why don't you make me?" I taunted, crossing my arms.

"Hey, I just realized," Larxene began, "that you didn't give_ me_ any chores."

"Oh, yeah, I know."

"What?" the others cried.

"That's not fair!" Kairi whined.

"Oh, quit your whining and start your chore-ing before I decide to turn you guys into piles of dust that _will_ be swept up."

In an instant, everybody except Larxene was out of the room. The blonde was left standing there, looking around. "I'll... just go to my room," she whispered, sliding toward the door and fleeing down the hall.

A mischievous grin appeared on my face as I rubbed my hands together. "Let the fun begin."

* * *

"So, all I have to do is sweep up the dining room?" Kairi asked as I handed her a broom and dustpan.

"Yep, that's it," I replied, smiling innocently.

Kairi grinned with joy. "Wow. I expected it to be something like, cleaning out the gutters."

"Eh, I felt nice for once." I laughed half-innocently. "Enjoy it while you can." I held my hands up and vanished in a puff of pink smoke, but I was far from being gone.

Kairi giggled and swept a dust bunny out from a corner. This was where the fun part came in. I shot an invisible beam of light at the pile, causing it to grow and take the shape of a three-headed, miniature dragon. Kairi sighed. "Alicia!" she called. "I know you did that!" When I didn't answer, Kairi looked down at the "monster" and laughed. "You think this'll scare me? Come on, it's just a stupid..."

The dragon's eyes began to glow red. It hissed and drooled blood-red liquid onto the floor. Kairi screamed and tried to run, but I decided to make Kairi "vanish" for a little while. At this point, she could see me since we were both invisible.

"Hey!" she shouted, putting her hands on her hips. I quickly slapped a piece of tape over her mouth, giggling.

"Kairi?" Riku called form down the hall. "Kairi, are you done yet? I need to..." Riku walked into the room and dropped the bucket of water all over the floor. "K-Kairi?" The only thing he saw was the "blood" on the floor and the strange dust-dragon. And, of course, he saw the completely visible piece of tape that I had placed on invisible Kairi's mouth just floating there. "OH MY GOD!" he shouted before running toward the door, stepping on the bucket, falling flat on his butt, and sliding across the floor with his foot in a bucket. He ended up running into Sora, who was on his way to the bathroom down the hall.

"Riku!" Sora gasped, jumping into the air. "What the heck are you doing?"

Riku was panting and shaking with fear. "Kairi was eaten by a pile of dust and there was a floating piece of duct tape and then I stepped in a bucket and slipped on my butt and ran into you!" he exclaimed, gasping for breath.

"..." Sora could say nothing for several seconds. "Riku?" he finally asked. "Did Alicia deprive you of any sort of medication?"

"I'm serious!" Riku persisted, standing up and grabbing his best friend by the arm and running to the dining room (with his foot still in the bucket). He looked into Sora's eyes and pointed at the room.

"Oh, hi, guys!" I greeted. Riku's jaw dropped as he turned to me. "I was just helping Kairi out a bit."

"All done!" Kairi announced, dumping the dust out of the dustpan and into the trash can.(Okay, I lied. I do have a garbage person in this universe.)"Thanks for the help, Your Majesty."

Now, Sora's jaw dropped. I smiled sweetly. "Now, Sora and Riku, don't you two have something to do?"

"B-But the dust and the blood and the tape and..." Riku stuttered, his eyes wide.

"Riku, are you okay?" Kairi asked.

"But, but, but, but..."

"Riku, stop stuttering and get a mop and a bucket of water," I commanded. "Of course, I could always use some of my authoress powers to..."

Riku was gone in an instant. Sora looked behind him to see no sign of the white-haired boy. "Okay..." he uttered, raising an eyebrow.

"Sora?" I inquired.

"I know, I know," he sighed, walking back down the hall.

As soon as they were all gone, I looked over at Kairi, my normal half-evil look back in my eyes. "Okay, here's the money," I said, handing her fifty dollars.

"That was actually fun!" Kairi giggled.

I grinned from ear to ear. _Well, I guess that's someone I could add to my list of good people. Or maybe I should just rip the list apart and make Kairi my assistant._ "Well, you're free for the day. In fact, for helping me out, you now have permission to go outside."

Kairi cheered. "Thank you, Your Majesty!" She bowed from the waist before darting out the door.

_Idiot,_ I thought. _Just wait until Chapter 4 when you're screaming for mercy again._ I looked down the hallway to see Sora preparing to do his little chore. "Eh, he still has another room to go after this. I'll watch Axel suffer now." I spun around and warped out of the room in search of more chances to torment others.

* * *

"Why are you making me do this?" Axel growled, holding out his chakrams. _(A/N: For those who don't know, chakrams are the fire wheels that Axel uses. Got it memorized? Ooh... That line is hot. Sorry. Back to the story of me being evil.)_

"Because _I_ am in charge, _I_ have the authoress powers, and _I_ want to," I replied, smiling slyly.

"What ever happened to that list?" Axel groaned.

"I said not _as_ bad, for the love of Kingdom Hearts! Now get started before I make you do Sora's job."

Axel cringed, causing me to laugh softly. I vanished, leaving only my invisible self and watchful eyes in the room. The pyro sighed and set one of his chakrams on fire. He threw it at the first Eiffel Tower-high pile of trash bags. The whole thing when ablaze, sending a horrible stench into the room. Axel groaned and plugged his nose.

"At least it's not as bad as Sora's job..." Axel groaned, his voice nasal-y.

Andin case you've been wondering what that job was...

* * *

"I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life."

"I love this day," I sighed, watching the Keyblade master turn away and plug his nose. He squinted his eyes and continued scrubbing the innards of the toilet.

"What _died_ in here?" Sora groaned, practically crying at this point.

"Whatever it was, you're gonna join it if you don't stop your whining," I half sang, holding back an outburst of giggles. Just for the fun of it, I took the toilet plunger and stuck it on his head, laughing madly.

"You... are the most _evil_ girl on the face of this planet!" Sora growled, pulling the plunger off his head. He ducked down and met face-to-nasty with the large collection of black gunk behind the toilet.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I decided to prove his words correct. I held up my hands as he reached over to throw an old wad of tissue paper away. As soon as his head was hovering over the open toilet bowl, I threw my hand down, causing his noggin to go head-first into the water.

When he came back up, he was coughing and gagging. "Hey!" he shouted, gasping for breath. "That was NOT funn–" His urge to barf stopped him as he tilted his mouth toward the same place his head had been a moment ago.

_To be continued..._

_HA! I am SO evil!_

_Okay, I need some help. I need some ideas on how to torture my guests while we wait for our two new surprise guests. Wanna know who they are? Here's a hint: They're on my hottie list in my profile._

_Again: Review and DON'T FLAME!_


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